Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Happiness through good communication and good relationships

Pursuing good communication and having good relationships with other people increases happiness, that has by now been shown quite convincingly in scientific research.

You may wonder what about those people who live secluded lives, the hermits of old or those living in the mountains searching for happiness and those weeding out ethereal bliss in isolated study in an old library? They all need the community and thought of human, also the time to reflect. We all regulate how much input we can ingest and process, and the more we are actually interested in something the more people tend to focus on the little details. When you are very sensitive to human communication, you actually need to take time off more often than not. Even the great American writer and transcendentalist Ralph Waldo Emerson brooded on nature in the midst of it to find out more about himself and share his thoughts with us all, his audience was very much in the center of society not on the outskirts. Many a like-minded writer fought with depression looking for some place where he or she could find happiness and transcendence from a world which did not seem easy. But I suggest that the reason we know about their thoughts is because they maintained their relationship with society and with themselves. And to really find answers about oneself and human nature as a whole requires one to relate with oneself and others because this is where the information one seeks is really to be found. You will nowhere find out as much about humans as in the company of humans or yourself. I have seen many a somber mood light up when the individual established better and more caring relationships with oneself and others. Suddenly there was so much more to be seen and found in little gestures or someone's whispered voice, which often provided a starting point towards a genera; interest in people, which automatically lifts up one's spirits.

Feeling low is often not a result of feeling negative about people in general, but of a lack of faith and confidence in the bonds that hold us all together in the long run. Trust has been shown to increase subjective well-being [DeNeve, Kristina M.; Cooper, Harris (1998). "The Happy Personality: A Meta-Analysis of 137 Personality Traits and Subjective Well-Being". Psychological Bulletin 124: 197–229]. Better and higher quality relationships lead to more happiness. This relatively simple but powerful key to happiness often goes unnoticed, but if you improve the relationships you have, you will experience comparably more happiness [DeNeve, Kristina M. (1999). "Happy as an Extraverted Clam? The Role of Personality for Subjective Well-Being". Current Directions in Psychological Science 8 (5): 141–144].

In other words, how you communicate messages with others, the bonds you share, and, generally, the relationships you have, not just with others but also with yourself, impacts your happiness. With practice followed by experience it is actually quite easy to find more meaningful relations than ever before. This will be covered in one of the coming articles.

Interesting books on communication by this and other authors: astore.amazon.co.uk/chrihaveltd-21 or search for "Christian Jonathan Haverkampf" on your local Amazon website or at your local book dealer. Suggestions for further explorations in communication: www.chrishaverkampf.comwww.ivy-experts.com and www.communicationweb.co. You may also want to take a look at the following sites: www.chrishaverkampf.de (deutsch), www.chrishaverkampfcoaching.comwww.chrishaverkampfcoaching.de (deutsch), www.selfhelpnet.cowww.wordfields.com (adventures), and www.wordnets.com (success stories).
© 2013 Christian Jonathan Haverkampf. All rights reserved. Unauthorized reproduction and/or dissemination prohibited. Please note that no professional advice of any sort can be given in this blog. Always consult a professional if the situation and/or the risks warrant it. Thank you for your interest in my work. This means very much to me. Trademarks belong to their respective owners. If this article is marked as a work of fiction all references to persons, living or deceased, or organizations, including former ones, are coincidental. I know that this is reiterating the obvious, but thanks for bearing with me.

Who are you?

When suffering from lowered mood, energy and motivation I have often seen that people were asking themselves 'who am I'? The question became all-consuming and overarching in their lives, even though it seemed there was no possible answer which would have satisfied them. Often thoughts spiral down and consume most of one's mental energy. This leads to self-doubts, which drags the mood down even further. All this is unfortunate because the question is a very powerful and interesting one, but maybe all this thought energy does not have much to do with the question 'who am I?' or 'where is my place' after all ...

Is this perceived desire to find out more about oneself maybe in reality an attempt to engage in a relationship with oneself at a deeper level? It seems that people suffering from unhappiness are often searching for meaningful relations and communication with other people. Whether you are in the Canadian North or an empty stretch in Asia you still have a need to exchanging meaningful information with someone, to build a relationship that brings you greater happiness. We all have a need to engage in deep relationships, and if there is no one else around our attention turns to ourselves as the only person around. This seems the best explanation of why people begin to think about themselves so much, without the hope of ever finding a satisfactory answer. To rebuild happiness and motivation it is often a good idea to build good relations with oneself and others, and have meaningful exchanges.

Finding out more about oneself is a fascinating journey, but as so often the journey is already the goal. Research has shown that the quality of one's relations has an impact on one's happiness, as I have already discussed in another article. So, what you want to do is to have better relations, with others but also with yourself. because the kind of relationship you have with others and the one you have with yourself are linked. A better relation means better, more meaningful, communication, and this also brings a greater level of success in the world. The question 'who am I?' will then take care of itself naturally.

The objective thus is not to find a specific explanation about your existence, but having a meaningful interaction with yourself and the world, which can expand your horizons and brings success in all areas of life as well as answers to all the important questions you might have. Happiness, satisfaction, confidence and faith in yourself will be lifted up almost automatically as a result. Whatever it takes to get better in touch with yourself, whether on an island, in the woods or on a mountaintop, or in the middle of a city, the real point is that by learning a more caring and appreciative attitude to yourself, while reaffirming the values you hold, you put a foot down on this world and really shine in all you are, which you may never grasp intellectually if you just kept thinking about it. And this leads straight to more happiness, without any question. The basic requirement is that it should feel good, irrespective of getting help from someone experienced in this process.

Interesting books on communication by this and other authors: astore.amazon.co.uk/chrihaveltd-21 or search for "Christian Jonathan Haverkampf" on your local Amazon website or at your local book dealer. Suggestions for further explorations in communication: www.chrishaverkampf.comwww.ivy-experts.com and www.communicationweb.co. You may also want to take a look at the following sites: www.chrishaverkampf.de (deutsch), www.chrishaverkampfcoaching.comwww.chrishaverkampfcoaching.de (deutsch), www.selfhelpnet.cowww.wordfields.com (adventures), and www.wordnets.com (success stories).
© 2013 Christian Jonathan Haverkampf. All rights reserved. Unauthorized reproduction and/or dissemination prohibited. Please note that no professional advice of any sort can be given in this blog. Always consult a professional if the situation and/or the risks warrant it. Thank you for your interest in my work. This means very much to me. Trademarks belong to their respective owners. If this article is marked as a work of fiction all references to persons, living or deceased, or organizations, including former ones, are coincidental. I know that this is reiterating the obvious, but thanks for bearing with me.

Unhappiness

Unhappiness comes from the inside, not the outside. This is something many people do not understand. When you take better care for yourself on the inside the entire world will become a brighter place. If you light up something inside you, the world will light up, and people will see that there is more light inside you. And the best of all, you can do it by something that  does not take much effort, but comes natural once you can reconnect with yourself and the world again.

The outer world may cause one to feel bad, but all our feelings are put together inside us. Your quest should be to feel better, and there are a number of ways to accomplish this. Some of the techniques I will be describing in the following should not be seen as a substitute for treatment or therapy, but inspiration to find new and entirely justified hope in overcoming unhappiness and feelings of lack of success and hopelessness in a world which has much to offer. And the best thing is, that focusing on communication, relations with oneself and others, usually not only brings greater happiness but also greater success in professional and personal areas.

Many people look for things in the outside world to make them happy. This hardly ever works for two reasons
  • the control over events and people in the world around us is often less than we would like to believe
  • our feelings are produced by our bodies and not the outside world
Instead, we have much greater influence on what is going inside us than most people would believe.Emotions are the product of information we continuously collect from ourselves and from the outside world. Our emotions are based on information. You can affect how you feel when you change the information you receive form the outside and the inside world. Some of the techniques and insights to accomplish this will be discussed in the following articles.

Interesting books on communication by this and other authors: astore.amazon.co.uk/chrihaveltd-21 or search for "Christian Jonathan Haverkampf" on your local Amazon website or at your local book dealer. Suggestions for further explorations in communication: www.chrishaverkampf.comwww.ivy-experts.com and www.communicationweb.co. You may also want to take a look at the following sites: www.chrishaverkampf.de (deutsch), www.chrishaverkampfcoaching.comwww.chrishaverkampfcoaching.de (deutsch), www.selfhelpnet.cowww.wordfields.com (adventures), and www.wordnets.com (success stories).
© 2013 Christian Jonathan Haverkampf. All rights reserved. Unauthorized reproduction and/or dissemination prohibited. Please note that no professional advice of any sort can be given in this blog. Always consult a professional if the situation and/or the risks warrant it. Thank you for your interest in my work. This means very much to me. Trademarks belong to their respective owners. If this article is marked as a work of fiction all references to persons, living or deceased, or organizations, including former ones, are coincidental. I know that this is reiterating the obvious, but thanks for bearing with me.